Increasing Your Knowledge

Of things you don’t know and probably didn’t need to know. Today is Miss Britt’s birthday. She is closer to 30 than she’d like to be and far enough away from 21 to almost be happy about it. She’s thin, has one of each flavor of child, a cute husband, a shoe collection to die for, and she probably will continue to be carded every time she orders a drink until she is roughly 105 or 106, just depending on how well the Florida sun treats her oh-so delicate skin.

My goal today is to share with you a few things about Miss Britt that you might not know. In order to do this I had to put out a covert word that I needed questions because this post is to serve as the official FAQ of Miss Britt. You may want to bookmark it for future reference. However, in order to protect the innocent all names have been omitted.

1. Is Miss Britt’s husband’s name REALLY Mr. Britt?Miss Britt’s husband’s real name is NOT Mister Britt. Really. Honestly. Poor guy… was I the only one who thought he looked like someone had stolen his dick in that last video when she introduced him as “Mr. Britt”?

2. Is Miss Britt really a good mom? Miss Britt is a mother to envy. I swear. The woman has dinner on the table the same time every night and the kids all have baths and go to bed at the SAME TIME nightly. Routine should be this woman’s middle name. Her kids are very lucky.

3. What is all this talk of Miss Britt smoking? It’s not that I have a problem with smokers, but she seems to get a lot of attention for it. Miss Britt smokes LOUDLY. Now, people mention her smoking, but unless you sit on the phone with her and have actually HEARD her do it… I mean, she sounds like that sex scene from Top Gun. Ok, maybe not that bad… but trust me, they didn’t have much on her.

4. Is Miss Britt really as smart as she comes off? She’s brilliant. No, seriously people. I know, we’ve all heard things, but trust me, in the internet marketing world (which believe it or not is a very different world than, well… this thing we enter daily) she is a legend. No, no kidding. A LEGEND. And, this woman can write adcopy that would make you buy a dick enlarger even if you were a full-blown lesbian.

5. I’ve heard her mention religion and politics on her blog, but she swears and drinks. How ethical can she actually be? Yeah, she drinks, swears, and votes. But, this woman has more principles and ethics in one teeny, tiny, perky-boobed, finger than 99% of the people I have met on or off line.

6. Are she and her husband actually happy? Is there a real marriage there? Is she that tough to live with? Holy geez. Slow down there. Yes, they are quite happy. They are happy because Miss Britt says they are happy and as the old saying goes, “if Momma isn’t happy, nobody is happy” or something to that effect anyway.

7. Does Miss Britt love shoes as much as she claims to? Is the sky blue? Does a bear do his business in the woods? Is Zac Ephron destined to play a teen heartthrob until he keels over from a massive botox overdose?

8. Where does Miss Britt buy her jewelry? That’s easy. My daughter makes her jewelry. Ok, that’s just one pair. I have no idea where she gets the rest of it - what do I look like a stalker?

9. Is Britt as nice and sweet as she seems? Ok, are you smoking crack? Do you actually READ her blog? Yes, Britt is very nice… BUT… nice does not mean she doesn’t have a temper. Nor does nice imply that she hasn’t committed any felonies.

10. If Britt were a cartoon character who would she be? Ooo, that’s tough. She’s an odd mix of Betty Boop and Cindy from Jimmy Neutron.

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Miss Britt